Lanzarote is the destination equivalent of Daniel Craig: not exactly pretty, but with a muscular ruggedness that's heart-stopping.
If you like your holidays manicured and lavender-scented, look elsewhere: Lanzarote is barren and untamed. In the 18th century, Timanfaya, the liveliest of the island's 300 volcanoes, erupted 26 times in six years, oozing treacly lava over most of the south, and leaving angry charcoal peaks and red craters.
Little has changed this Canary Island that time forgot, far out in the Atlantic. Indeed, it was on these prehistoric-looking shores that Raquel Welch took on the T-Rexes in her animal-skin bikini for the film One Million Years BC.
A dinosaur-bone's throw from Africa, Lanzarote enjoys year-round sunshine and temperatures that rarely drop below 17 degrees celcius. This, and the easy four-hour flight, tempt almost one million Brits to flee here every year - so it was no surprise when, in the 1970s, a couple of cheap-and-cheerful resorts popped up, giving the island its 'Lanzagrotty' tag.
And had it not been for one native creative, artist Cesar Manrique, Lanzarote might have been completely buried under all-inclusives. For two decades, he spearheaded a campaign that led to the banning of billboards and high-rises, turning natural attributes into futuristic-looking visitor attractions and dotting his sculptures everywhere.
In the north, the lava gives way to scrubby, scarlet scenery, windswept surfing beaches and sudden bursts of colour provided by bright birds of paradise and swathes of palms and fir trees. When you've done enough gawping at the out-of-this-world surroundings, an evening spent sampling home-grown rose will soon bring you back down to earth.
Out of this world
Get to the bottom of the black stuff at Timanfaya National Park (00 34 928 840057; 6 pound). The 30 or so volcanoes here could blow again, and the only way of getting up close is on a coach tour. The route is precarious and the scenery otherworldly: buses climb mountains of silky-grey sand, past rust-red craters and lava frozen into waves tipped with white-lichen foam. At El Diablo, the park's Manrique-designed restaurant, you can watch chicken legs drip and sizzle over a well as they're roasted by the 600 degrees celcius heat raging 13m below the surface.
Edge down steep steps carved into the rock at Jameos del Agua (00 34 928 848020; open daily, and until 2am on Tues, Fri and Sat; 6 pound) into the first of two roofless caves (actually partially collapsed lava tunnels). Now head for the dark central area. Here, a sapphire lagoon shimmers, and thousands of tiny blind albino crabs glow on the bottom, like stars. There's a memorable night out to be had here, too: Manrique snuck a couple of bar-cum-restaurants and an auditorium into the recesses.
If you thought Lanzarote was just for people seeking cheap, all-inclusive autumn sun, the harbour at Puerto Calero will put you right. Its glossy-hull count puts trashier Puerto Banus to shame - the king of Spain is rumoured to berth here when things get blustery back home. There are designer shops and a row of unpretentious restaurants strung with fairy lights. Try Pappardelle (00 34 928 512911) for pizza and Taberna del Puerto (00 34 928 512882) for piles of paella.
The lichen-covered Mirador del Rio (00 34 928 526548; 4 pound) is an old lookout, which Manrique originally conceived as a restaurant. Perched in the heights on the northern-most tip of the island, it looks like somewhere Bilbo Baggins might call home. Inside, it's all much more Grand Designs, with minimalist Manrique decor, a spidery light sculpture and ferns in hanging baskets. The view from here is arguably the best in Lanzarote: the scrubby island of La Graciosa looks so close you might be tempted to jump across.
A visit to Cesar Manrique's house (00 34 928 843138, www.fcmanrique.org; 5.50 pounds), in Teguise, helps make sense of his work elsewhere on the island. Built on a lumpy black lava field, it looks as if tar has been poured through its windows. There are sketches of the Mirador del Rio (as well as drawings by Picasso and Miro), squiggly murals, a cactus garden and, down in the basement, domed black-lava ceilings.
Down to Earth
Cut off from the rest of the island by ash-coloured mountains, the village of El Golfo has a bouldery beach trimmed with a clutter of plastic tables, the salty air heavy with the smell of buttery fish. Look for the green-and-white striped awning of Casa Torano. There's no menu - waiters talk you through the day's catch and serve it with rainbow-coloured salad and chickpeas while the waves rumble against the rocks.
A couple of kilometres south, Los Hervideros ('The Boiling Waters') is a strange, cubic-looking stretch of coast sculpted by the Atlantic and punctured by a series of blowholes and caves. Peer from the natural rock 'balconies' into the emerald pools below, dodging the blasts as the sea is sucked in.
There's a string of undeveloped beaches to the east of Playa Blanca, on the south coast. But the prettiest is little Caleta del Mojon Blanco, in the northeast. You'll need flip-flops to cope with the stony shore, but the sherbet sand is Caribbean-white, with jet-black rocks, and washed by a sea so blue it looks electric.
You might think Lanzarote's dry, black pastures wouldn't yield a bean. In fact, vineyards are among the island's biggest employers and La Geria region is where it all happens. The 15km drive from Mozaga to Uga passes through fields of dark gravel that are studded with hundreds of semi-circular stone walls, each sheltering a spindly vine in a scooped-out hollow. At the many wineries en route, you can taste the popular Malvasia white for a euro. The largest, El Grifco (00 34 928 524951), started producing in 1775, and for a mere 6 pound they'll throw in five different wines and cheese. For history swots there's a museum full of beginning-of-time pressing equipment, too.
Manrique crammed more than 10,000 specimens into his bowl-shaped Jardin de Cactus (00 34 928 529397, 4 pound), outside Guatiza. Caterpillar and paddle shapes sprout from the black gravel, as well as more unusual examples, such as the long tentacles of Facheiroa Ulei, from Brazil, which look like Medusa's hair.
Teguise town (not to be confused with the bland resort of Costa Teguise) is the island's former capital. Its lovely streets, lined with whitewashed buildings trimmed in emerald and gold, are worth an afternoon's potter. There's good coffee and cake at Cafeteria Cejas in the main square, and tapas at Palacio del Marques (see Where to Eat). The town fills on Sundays for the market: come to pick up jewellery, lace and cactus jam.
15.50 pound buys: A clock made of lava at the souvenir shop in El Golfo. BEETLE JUICE: Cactus farmers near Guatiza harvest crops of cochineal beetles from the plants, before boiling them and using the dye to make red Smarties. SECRET SHELTER: Islanders once hid from pirates inside the underground cave system. Attacks were frequent so bells were rung as warning. TRUE GRIT: The 226km Ironman race is regarded as one of the toughest in the world - the slogan is 'Normal limits do not apply'.
WHERE TO STAY
NO EXPENSE SPARED
Finca Malvasia, La Geria (00 34 928 173460, www.fincamalvasia.com). Opened last year down a dusty road in Lanzarote's wine country, Finca Malvasia's four little apartments have kitchenettes, beamed ceilings and splashes of raspberry and lime green. The English owners are endlessly helpful, serving up fresh smoothies and croissants for breakfast, and wine made using grapes from their vineyard. There's a pool, as well as a volcanic-stone hut for yoga and massages, and hammocks hidden beyond leafy vines. Two double-bed apartments from 127 pound, room only.
Hesperia Lanzarote, Puerto Calero (00 34 828 080800, www.hesperia-lanzarote.com). If you want lazy luxury, without burnt Brits and burgers, then the Hesperia is for you. This 335-room five-star has been tastefully decked out in simple creams and earthy shades, with decent restaurants and thatched pool-bars overlooking the sea. Posh Puerto Calero is a totter away. Doubles from 110 pound, B&B.
MIDDLE OF THE ROAD
Casa Dominique, La Caleta de Famara (00 34 928 173268, www.casadominique.com). Marooned in the sand dunes on the northeast coast, this B&B has three airy, igloo-like bungalows. It's wonderfully peaceful, with a saltwater pool, and you can see the sea from the huge windows in the rooms - room one has a porthole in the bathroom, which means a loo-with-a-view. Doubles from 75 pound, B&B.
Casa de Hilario, General Garcia Escamez, Yaiza (00 34 987 734302, www.casadehilario.com). Here is proof that Lanzarote is finally getting cool. Opened last August, this 18th-century finca is slung with thick iron-chain banisters, and adorned with delicately painted oriental furniture - all references to a restored Chinese mural that covers one bedroom wall. The seven rooms are decorated in shield-your-eyes shades of fuchsia, lime or yellow, and you can watch the sun set over Timanfaya from the bed in number seven. Doubles from 62 pound, B&B.
ON A BUDGET
Caserio de Mozaga, Mozaga 8, San Bartolome (00 34 928 520060, www.caseriodemozaga.com). Until recently, this farmhouse was one of the only decent options outside the resorts. Set in a pretty lava garden, it's got masses of olde-worlde charm, even if it could do with a spruce-up. The restaurant, with its glass wall and views of twinkling Arrecife, is the best space in the house. Doubles from 60 pound, room only.
Finca de la Florida, El Islote, San Bartolome (00 34 928 521124, www.hotelfincadelaflorida.com). In the very centre of Lanzarote, Finca de la Florida makes a good base for exploring the island, with 15 basic rooms that are clean and done out in fresh pastel shades. It also has a pool, small gym, and mountain bikes for trips into the hills. Doubles from 55 pound, room only.
WHERE TO EAT
NO EXPENSE SPARED
Amura (00 34 928 513181). This gateau of a building stands apart from the other restaurants on the waterfront in Puerto Calero. Which is handy, since it's the one you want to be seen at. Join men in chinos and ladies with Linda Evans hairdos on the terrace, order veal medallions and pretend you're keeping an eye on your Sunseeker, bobbing in the port waters. Mains from 14 pound.
La Tegala, Carretera de Tias a Yaiza, Macher (00 34 928 524524). You can't miss the incongruous angular extension jutting out from this traditional finca on the road into Macher. Groomed regulars order spiced-up Canarian classics such as cuttlefish stew, followed by hot chocolate souffle, while gazing beyond the slick decor to Fuerteventura in the distance. Mains from 13 pound.
MIDDLE OF THE ROAD
Castillo de San Jose, Arrecife (00 34 928 812321). This converted fortress is the only reason to venture to the island's capital. The restaurant has glass walls overlooking the sea, black tulip-form chairs, fancy food and waiters in baby-blue bow ties. The International Museum of Contemporary Art takes up the rest of the building. Look out for Francisco Baron's sculpture, halfway down the stairs to the restaurant - it looks like a person crossed with a walnut. Mains from 11 pound.
Palacio del Marques, Calle Herrera y Rojas (00 34 918 845773). There's no menu at this leafy tapas bar on a side street in Teguise. Take a table in the sunny courtyard and watch butterflies skip between overflowing pot plants while you wait for a mixed plate (usually local cheeses, ham and a chunk of tortilla). There are countless wines to choose from, but go for its refreshing own-label stuff and you'll please proprietor Jurgen. Mixed plate from 10 pound.
ON A BUDGET
El Charcon (www.elcharcon.com). In the tiny fishing village of Arrieta, El Charcon shares the jetty with the odd fisherman. There are plastic tables and chairs scattered outside the blue-and-white building and buoys strung about the place like bunting. The paella is huge, steaming and stuffed with seafood, the wine local and cheap. Paella from 15 pound for two.
El Chupadero, La Geria 3 Yaiza (00 34 928 173115, www.el-chupadero.com). Fold yourself into a corner of this wine bar with plates of sweet-soy-laced tuna and a bottle of chilled Chupadero rose. The place started out as owner Barbara's party house, and she still throws riotous full-moon bashes. Tapas from 4 pound.
CAFES AND BARS
Cafe del Mar, Marina Rubicon, Playa Blanca. Lanzarote's outpost of the Ibiza institution has live DJ's at the weekends and serves a mean Martini. In busy Marina Rubicon, it's a good spot for people-watching over lunch, too.
Lag O Mar, 6 Nazaret (00 34 928 845665, www.lag-o-mar.com). Clinging to the rock face just outside Teguise, the former play-pad of Omar Sharif is now a purple-and-yellow restaurant and a Germoline-pink cave bar that stays open until midnight. Go easy on the Margaritas if you plan on exploring the tangle of glossy-white-painted tunnels that lead to rock gardens and secluded caves - you'll need your wits about you to find your way out.
FURTHER INFORMATION
See www.spain.info/uk
Ask the local
Alejandra Gonzales works at the Cesar Manrique Foundation in San Bartolome, and is training for the annual Lanzarote Ironman race
Cycling is a brilliant way to see the island. There are gentle roads around Haria in the north, and some beautiful spots you can't reach by car. They serve great tapas at El Fondeadero (00 34 928 634276), between Costa Teguise and Ensenada de las Caletas. It's super-cheap, and the fried eel is delicious. For a special occasion, I go to the restaurant in Manrique's Monumento al Campesino (00 34 928 520136), in San Bartolome. The quietest beach is near Ye (the highest village on the island), near Famara. From here, follow the path down the mountain. It's a tough 500m descent, but the beach is often deserted.
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